


A Dark night

by Highkingeliot



Category: The Magicians (TV), The Magicians - Lev Grossman
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 11:57:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11554728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Highkingeliot/pseuds/Highkingeliot
Summary: Eliot is distraught after failing a test and tries to numb the pain. Quentin just wants to help his friend feel better.





	A Dark night

**Author's Note:**

> I caution you now, there are talks of depression and suicide. (I promise I make up for it in the end).

I sat alone in my room, no one was home, thank God. I pulled the box out from under my bed. The box I only pull out when I’m crazy stressed and just don’t know what else to do. 

I opened it up and saw the candy I’d tucked away and the can of coke. There was also a note I wrote to myself: “Is this really worth it El? Remember how you’ll feel after.” 

“Yeah, it’s fucking worth it, or not worth it. Fuck it, I just don’t care.” I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. “Don’t fucking cry again.” I forcefully wiped away the tears. I opened the candy and started eating. “Fuck it. It’s impossible anyway. Who fucking cares.” I snapped as I opened the can. I stood up and changed into my pajamas, the one’s no one really sees and climbed into bed. I turned on some music in hopes that would ward off any stray visitors and they’d just chalk it up to me working on something. 

A few hours passed and I finished my snacks and my coke. I got rid of the wrappers and can in a bag and shoved it to the bottom of my trash can. I opened the small drawer on my desk and carefully took out a small silver trinket box. “Well, if I’m doing this I might as well do it right.” I set the box on the table, took out a healthy pinch of the fine white powder and put it on the table. I scraped it around till it formed a fine line and in one fell swoop, sniffed it up. It had been a while since I felt this low. I debated setting out another line but not knowing when my next trip for more would be, I opted to put the box away. 

I looked through a few more drawers and found a stray pill and took it. Not fully sure what it was but maybe it will keep this high going. 

I sat on the bed. “I wonder how many pain pills a person would have to take to just not feel any kind of pain anymore?” I mused to myself. Shit, don’t think like that, not again. I shook my head as if erasing an etch-a-sketch. Thought gone. For now.

I looked around the room at the pictures I had. 

Me and Mike. I ripped it off the wall and smashed the frame against the wall. 

Me and Todd. Strange, he asked me for a week to take a picture with him. I finally did it just to shut him up. He must have hung this here. I tore it off the wall and let it fall to the floor. 

Me and Margo. I left that one alone. I wasn’t mad at her but I was bitter that she had been avoiding me lately for her other friends and her better social circle. Admittedly I just let her go. I didn’t want to force her to stay and have to deal with my theatrics of depression. She deserved to be happy and well, at the moment she was far happier without me. I felt the tears starting again and wiped them away with a force that hurt my eyes. 

Moving on. 

Me and Quentin. There’s a picture I needed about now. He too had gone off for other social circles. He had fought with Alice. Mostly my fault for the emotion spell and drinking and my sexcapades that I got everyone into. I kept thinking about that damned torrent from those Fillory books he read all the time. Is it real? Could it fix me? I passed it off as liver damage but it’s so much more than that. I shook my head. 

I took the picture off the wall and went and laid on my bed. I carefully set the photo down on the pillow next to me. “Help me.” I whispered and laid down and just let myself cry. 

After a while I heard a knock on the door. 

“Go away, I’m busy!” 

“El? El, it’s dinner time and well…. I thought… I …. I brought you a plate.” 

“Go away Quentin.” 

“You have to eat El.”

“No I don’t”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you do. If you stop I think you die.”

“A person can survive three days without food.”

“You need to eat.”

“No.”

“Let me in El.”

“Go the fuck away!!”

I heard a few steps down the hall and that was enough to satisfy me. I rolled over and rummaged through my nightstand for the pills I hid in there. I found the bottle. I read the label to myself. “Take as needed for pain.” I scoffed. “This counts.” I opened the bottle. Only seven left. That would have to do. One after the other I took them as if that’s what they were intended for. 

I started feeling dizzy and tired. 

“Good. It’s working.” I let my eyes close and drifted off. 

“Margo!” 

“What nerd boy?”

“It’s Eliot, something is up and he’s locked himself in his room and he won’t eat.”

“He’s probably rubbing one out.” 

“How can you not even be concerned?”

“He’s fine. He’s done this before. He gets mad, sexual frustration. Locks himself away and goes to town. Eliot on Eliot porn party. 

“This isn’t him getting off.”

“He’ll be fine.” 

“I can’t just leave him in there.”  
“Look, give him an hour and if he doesn’t come out, call me. I have a party I’m off to.” 

“Fine.” 

Quentin huffed out of the room and back up the stairs as he heard Margo leave. 

“Ok, minor mendings, picking a lock is minor, right? God, Q you’re talking to yourself.” He rubbed his hands together and tried a few spells to pick the lock. After the last one something clicked and the door knob fell apart. “Shit. Well now I’ll have to fix that….” He trailed off as the door creaked open. 

“Eliot!!” He ran over to Eliot’s seemingly lifeless body. “Oh God, what do I do?”

He sat down and put Eliot’s head in his lap. 

“Eliot….El….Eliot!! Fuck. Wake up.” He started to cry. “Wake up.” He looked over and saw the bottle. “Jesus El.” He slapped Eliot’s face. “Wake up.” He checked to see if he was still breathing. “Ok, still breathing. Good.” He ran his hand through Eliot’s hair half worrying and half trying to get Eliot to wake up.

He sat there on the floor for several minutes before Eliot’s eyes halfway opened.

“Eliot? El?”

“Fuck.”

“Eliot!” He hugged my head. 

“What Q?”

“I thought you died. I mean I found you….. I picked your lock… well broke….. well… you’re alive.” 

“Yeah. Alive.” I rolled my eyes and did all I could to not cry again. Yet another thing I failed at for the day.

“What the hell happened El?”

“Nothing.” 

“Bull shit. You’re box is out, you got high, you took pills. That’s not nothing. That’s someone should be committed.” 

“Then fucking commit me.” 

“What the hell?”  
“I’m done Q.”

“Done?”

“Yeah, I can’t do it anymore.”

“What happened?”

“I failed.” I held up a small note. 

“What’s this?”

“Read it.” 

He silently read the note. 

“El…”

“Yeah. I’m done.” 

“You’re not done. They won’t send you home cause you failed one test.”

“It’s not just the test. It’s the lecture of how I disappointed them, it’s the ‘you need to try harder’ speech. It’s the once again I failed and I’m just not fucking good enough. I can’t do it anymore.” I felt the tears rolling down my face but before I could do anything about it Q reached up and gently wiped them away. I looked up at him like a lost puppy.

“El, it’s ok. I’ll help you. We can study or practice or whatever.”

“You can’t help me Quentin. It’s a telekinesis test.” 

“Well then I’ll help you think.”

“Just stop.”

“No.” 

“You can’t help me.” I slowly stood up. I felt dizzy. I gained some sense and walked over and grabbed an old t-shirt and put it on. It was a bit more snug than I remember. 

“You ok El?”

“And on top of it all, I gained weight. Great.” I whipped the shirt off and threw it across the room.  
“I can help you.”

“No Quentin, you fucking can’t. I did the same shit I did in high school and just ate like a fucking cow and now I look even more like shit. I failed these stupid tests and I can’t even take enough God damned pills to feel better.”

“Eliot.” 

“Fuck you Quentin!”

“Fine! Fuck me. Do what you want.”

“What?”

“I just want you to be happy, ok?” 

I stared at him blankly. 

“Just stop with the pills and trying to kill yourself. I promise I won’t let them send you home. Please El.”

He walked over and stood next to me. Usually when I go full theatrics, Margo finds me in the morning and tells me I was stupid for trying all this and says I should see someone or be on depression medication. Irony that meds are her go to solution for me. 

“El?” He broke my train of thought.

“What?” I sighed, defeated.

I looked down at myself, disgusted. 

“I…”

“What Quentin?”

“I love you.” 

“You what?”

“I love you. I care about you and when I thought you died, I didn’t want to live anymore either.” He paused and awkwardly brushed his hair out of his face. “I need you El.”

I didn’t know what to say. I just turned and hugged him. I needed it more than I realized cause as I hugged him I just let go and started crying.  
“Please stop El.” He said shedding tears of his own. 

“Thank you. I need you Q.” I choked out between tears. 

We stood there hugging for what felt like days. Finally he slowly let go. I wiped my face and walked over and crawled into bed. 

He walked over after a few moments. 

“Scoot over.” 

“What?”

“I’m not leaving you alone. Scoot over.” 

I moved over a bit. He laid down next to me. He reached over and pulled a book out of his bag that he must have thrown when he found me. He pulled out a Fillory book. 

“It was the summer after the Chattwin’s mother had passed. Jane treasured her doll more than anything now. They were still so curious about how to adjust to their new home. How does one pass the time in a mansion such as this? They played games and played pretend until one day they discovered something that even their greatest fantasy couldn’t hold a candle to. A magical land on the other side of a grandfather clock. Fillory.” 

He read as I slowly drifted off to sleep.


End file.
